Ashanti's Music Video: The Way That I Love You

Here is Ashanti's video for the new single The Way That I love You. This video made me go through changes. I lived this. Want to know the trigger? The cell phone (like everything else) was in my name. We were married, 4 kids at home and one on the way. Owned two cars, a home, a business...things were going well. At least, that was the illusion. For some reason, I decided to open the cell phone bill. That's when I found out. Yes I called the numbers. Yes I talked to her.

The worst part was this. I had to hide my pregnancy, to get a job to pay off the $1000.00 cell phone bill I was left with. Well, there was also food shleter, clothing, utilities and other necessities for the kids I had to pay for. It's not like he was forced by the court to pay child support. The child support enforcement agency in NY is a waste of time. I lost time from work and pay, not to mention any lawyer's fees. He didn't even get a slap on the wrist. Who loses in infidelity? The parent that stays and the kids. Same ole, same ole.

I killed him a million different ways in my mind...just like Ashanti's character killed him in hers.

Would You Rent to Your Ex Spouse and the Person they Cheated On You With?

Warning: This is a real question about infidelity, families and insanity. No, this wasn't my idea. My first reaction to this situation was: Am I in the Twilight Zone?! Seriously, would you rent to your ex spouse and their new partner. Especially when that partner was the one that they cheated with and made your life a living hell? I've been under unnecessary financial strain, court drama and have taken the kids to innumerable therapist visits thanks to both of them. Here's a strip blogging post to entertain you with my insane life.

Here's the deal. Many of you know, my ex husband's grandfather had a stroke two years ago on Labor Day. Since then, he has had to care for him. It has put a financial strain on him and his girl (the one he cheated on me with). Now, I was raised in a way that ...for the most part...I have a really soft heart. I don't harbor animosity towards Her because I always believe It Take Two to Tango. Yes, she activley pursued him, but he could have declined. I was pursued and I never thought about it twice.

It's been 10 years. Ten years of court, that ended in my family having to give him over $17,000. for this house. My Dad gave him the money so he would walk away and not put me and the kids on the street. Ten years of at times non existent or late child support payments. This while he and this chick travel and have lots of fun. Ten years of telling my kids, no we can't afford this or that. Ten years of drama.

This weekend our oldest biological son spent the weekend with his Dad. His Dad now moved from NYC to upstate NY. He's now a 25 mintue ride from us. They like to stick moronic ideas in the kid's heads. This is what the Comedian told me yesterday:

"Mom, Dad said that he and his girlfriend want to rent the other side of the house. This way they can help you by driving us around. Dad said he'll mow the lawn, shovel the snow and make any necessary repairs. SHE said she'll help with The Little One whenever you need it."

My reaction? WHAT THE??????????

This is Oh so wrong in so many ways. First of all, why would I allow this dysfunctional couple anywhere near my home. This woman is without scruples. Anyone that would deliberately target a married men, with 4 kids at home and one on the way, is CRAZY. Not only that, she would say in front of my kids that it was ok for their Dad to have other girlfriends because she had other boyfriends. Well, she allowed it...as long as it wasn't me. Backfired on her, keep reading and you'll see why.

So what's the problem? I think it's pretty clear that this is the DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD. The kids don't think so. I've had to hear hours on end of why this could work out. At one point, I was driving in the car, shut off the music and said:

That whole scenario sounds like the polygamists that are plastered all over the media.

Well, not exactly because I wouldn't become involved in that. (You do know what I mean?!). I mean the whole mixed up family part of the polygamists. My ex and his girl have a daughter together...she was born 5 months after our last child was born. He also had a daughter with another woman...the next day (You don't have to do the math. Yes, we were all PREGNANT at the same time!) His current girl has a son from a previous relationship. I have The Little One with my current relationship and legal custody of my niece. My oldest, Sleepy Dwarf is the biological brother of my youngest, he's on a sub in The Navy right now. It's like a soap!

So for the next couple of days, I'll be hearing how it may be a good idea and it could work out for the best. Unbelievable, how he still can mess with my routine 10 years after the breakup. What do you think? Am I being unreasonabale and irrational? I really don't think so, but I'm curious about other's opinions.

What's the lesson in all this?
I should have listened to my mother.