Friday, May 02, 2008

Would You Rent to Your Ex Spouse and the Person they Cheated On You With?

Warning: This is a real question about infidelity, families and insanity. No, this wasn't my idea. My first reaction to this situation was: Am I in the Twilight Zone?! Seriously, would you rent to your ex spouse and their new partner. Especially when that partner was the one that they cheated with and made your life a living hell? I've been under unnecessary financial strain, court drama and have taken the kids to innumerable therapist visits thanks to both of them. Here's a strip blogging post to entertain you with my insane life.

Here's the deal. Many of you know, my ex husband's grandfather had a stroke two years ago on Labor Day. Since then, he has had to care for him. It has put a financial strain on him and his girl (the one he cheated on me with). Now, I was raised in a way that ...for the most part...I have a really soft heart. I don't harbor animosity towards Her because I always believe It Take Two to Tango. Yes, she activley pursued him, but he could have declined. I was pursued and I never thought about it twice.

It's been 10 years. Ten years of court, that ended in my family having to give him over $17,000. for this house. My Dad gave him the money so he would walk away and not put me and the kids on the street. Ten years of at times non existent or late child support payments. This while he and this chick travel and have lots of fun. Ten years of telling my kids, no we can't afford this or that. Ten years of drama.

This weekend our oldest biological son spent the weekend with his Dad. His Dad now moved from NYC to upstate NY. He's now a 25 mintue ride from us. They like to stick moronic ideas in the kid's heads. This is what the Comedian told me yesterday:

"Mom, Dad said that he and his girlfriend want to rent the other side of the house. This way they can help you by driving us around. Dad said he'll mow the lawn, shovel the snow and make any necessary repairs. SHE said she'll help with The Little One whenever you need it."


My reaction? WHAT THE??????????

This is Oh so wrong in so many ways. First of all, why would I allow this dysfunctional couple anywhere near my home. This woman is without scruples. Anyone that would deliberately target a married men, with 4 kids at home and one on the way, is CRAZY. Not only that, she would say in front of my kids that it was ok for their Dad to have other girlfriends because she had other boyfriends. Well, she allowed it...as long as it wasn't me. Backfired on her, keep reading and you'll see why.

So what's the problem? I think it's pretty clear that this is the DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD. The kids don't think so. I've had to hear hours on end of why this could work out. At one point, I was driving in the car, shut off the music and said:
That whole scenario sounds like the polygamists that are plastered all over the media.


Well, not exactly because I wouldn't become involved in that. (You do know what I mean?!). I mean the whole mixed up family part of the polygamists. My ex and his girl have a daughter together...she was born 5 months after our last child was born. He also had a daughter with another woman...the next day (You don't have to do the math. Yes, we were all PREGNANT at the same time!) His current girl has a son from a previous relationship. I have The Little One with my current relationship and legal custody of my niece. My oldest, Sleepy Dwarf is the biological brother of my youngest, he's on a sub in The Navy right now. It's like a soap!

So for the next couple of days, I'll be hearing how it may be a good idea and it could work out for the best. Unbelievable, how he still can mess with my routine 10 years after the breakup. What do you think? Am I being unreasonabale and irrational? I really don't think so, but I'm curious about other's opinions.

What's the lesson in all this?
I should have listened to my mother.

9 comments:

Lisa said...

Wow. Don't know what to say. I've sucked up a lot of junk in the last five years from my ex, just so we could get along for the kids. But I think this is asking WAY too much. And yes, I think you are in The Twilight Zone.

Just tell the kids no. Game over. I have a right to some peace and happiness.

dogsrbest said...

wow! this guy sounds like someone from another planet. my ex found himself another woman and we did not get along well until our kid graduated high school and had her first kid. things kinda changed with the birth of our grandbaby. i'd tell the kids no, cant happen. i agree with lisa that is asking way too much. good luck.

SpostareDuro said...

I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through all of this chaos. I feel bad for your kids too. This man is continuously showing his inability to be empathetic to say the least. Don't encourage that. He's playing the kids too believe that.

You're not wrong, he is.

supermom_in_ny said...

@Lisa I definitely know what you mean. I can write a book about the crazy stuff I've been through. I told the kids....NO WAY! :)

@dogsrbest I talk to him and his girlfriend only because of the kids. I only do it to be civil. I don't know how they came to such an insane idea. Oh and by the way, I'm glad that you found Make Money Online useful! :)

@spostateduro Believe me, he has the ability to manipulate that is unequaled to anyone I've ever met. He's even convinced judges to believe his stories. I wish I knew how he does it.

Thanks for the comment.

Homemom3 said...

Wow he sure has a pair doesn't he? No way. First, how would you be able to stand to see the two of them right there, knowing what they are doing on the other wall. Ikk, NO! Hugs, that would be a hard one.

Diana said...

que cojones... WOW.

Barbara said...

First reaction was "no way that is insane!" How dare they even think of it and put it in the kids head! That is manipulation to the extreme!
Then, I realized something in my life. My grandmother and my step-grandfather took in my real grandfather when he was sick. Yeah he actually lived with us for a while. But, totally different circumstances and age! No kids to fight over and my step-grandpa is a saint! He has been a real dad to me and my dad and his sister for 42+yrs now.
Even with this positive experience I still say no way! Imagine what your day to day life would be, with him doing chores and her baby-sitting? Then something doesn't get done, and you have to confront them...HELL for you that's what it would be! Tell your kids as great as it may be for them to have their parents close again your sanity would be on the line. Because it most definitely will be! Hope your future is hassle free and happy.:-)

kristi said...

That is just nuts...that he would even ask the kids to put that out there.

Anonymous said...

What a jerk! I hope he gets a life and keeps his girlfriend away. What a mess that would be...yah, I started thinking about all the pologomy stuff too. Those poor women who have to live with that daily (read Escape)