Not just any anti-bacterial soap. The foamy kind that hospitals make their staff use. No matter where I go, it brings me back to a time that started in a painful sadness, but ended in a jubilant victory.
Bronx, NY 1993. It was the early morning of the 4th of July. It was a Sunday. We had been experiencing a heat wave that was unrelenting and unmerciful. I got up early to attend church with my family, like we usually did. This year, I had moved in with my parents after my marriage had fallen apart. I had a son that was 11 months old and was expecting my second child. I was about 8 months into my pregnancy. That morning my water broke. I was over a month early. The stress of the court appearances my husband was dragging me through, combined with the early detection of pre-cancerous cells and a tumultuos time at work (the bank I worked for had been taken over my another bank)...caused me to go into early labor.
The Diva was born two days later. I had been assured that all was well. For two days she stopped breathing on different ocassions and turned blue. The nurses tried to dismiss my claims, attributing it to being a nervous mother. It wasn't until I was being discharged and the nurse witnessed the episode that they listened. They took her from my arms and ran to give her CPR.
The doctor on call came back with the news. She had meningitis. They didn't give her much of a chance. She was born premature. Bacterial meningitis was a crippling and fatal illness. That's when she began the battle. Every day I would go see her. Before entering the NICU, I had to scrub my hands vigorouly with their anti-bacterial soap to assure I would not bring in any germs. She was rather large for a preemie, weighing 6 lbs. The other preemies weighed 2-5 lbs. I would hold her in my arms and rock her, while she battled the headaches and the bacteria that wanted to consume her. The time came when there was nothing else that could be done. The doctors had given her the maximum dosage of meds allowed. Her vital signs were out of control. I called my pastor, he came and prayed with me. My faith kept me strong. I stood alone watching her and praying, until the nurses and doctor made me leave. I placed a card in her incubator with a scripture. How could I leave my baby? She was small and helpless? They told me she wouldn't make it through the night.
Years later, we went to the hospital to get some blood work done. As I pumped the soap dispenser, it all came back. I stepped out of the bathroom and felt all the pain rush back. I also remember the rush of joy when she fought for her life and proved us all wrong. I looked at The Diva and once again, told her of how she was a miracle. She not only survived, she didn't have any of the problems they predicted. She reached all her developmental milestones before her peers.
What's amazing about the whole thing is that everytime I smell the scent of a hospital strength anti-bacterial soap, I feel like I travel right back to that time. I always feel the deep sadness, followed by the rush of victory.
This is the story of The Diva. She turned 14 this summer. Here's a picture of The Diva with her favorite band: The Jonas Brothers. I thank God that she is healthy. No one would ever think that she went through such a struggle as an infant. Only my family and friends know what we went through. Her life is a gift, a true miracle...
