For This, I Am Thankful...

During the time that I was pregnant with The Princess, I did a lot of crying. I was very angry about having allowed myself to be vulnerable and wasting time on a relationship that was doomed for failure. I was heartbroken that my children would not grow up with both their parents. I was bitter because even though I tried my best and stayed in an abusive realtionship, things didn't change. I was furious because he left me with all the debt and walked away with a lucrative business. His blatant infidelity was a blow at all the attempts I made to keep it together. I was angry with God because although I prayed, fasted and stood on His Word, the answer to my prayer was a resounding....NO.

During that time, I found comfort in the Bible. I found that worship songs lifted the heaviness in my heart and released the chains of hopelessness. There were also songs that ministered to me, that were not "Christian" songs. Although they were based on a Christian premise, they weren't in the gospel genre.

When she was still in my womb, there was a name that I was toying with. This name was very meaningful to me. I wanted to name her Zion. My reasoning was that for some reason, God kept blessing me with children although my marriage was falling apart. Zion was the name given to "The Chosen People". Only God knew why he had chosen me to raise this child, without her father. A child that would come at a very tumultuos time in my life. In the middle of the tempest, people that were not of the faith advised me to terminate the pregnancy. I knew that the life inside me deserved a chance. It was going to be very difficult, but I knew that God would never leave me nor forsake me. Looking back, I think I understand why God blessed me with this life. She helped me to focus and hold it together every time I thought I didn't have anymore strength. At the times when it was the darkest, she was a little light that God gave me. She gave me hope for the future and a reason to kneel down and pray when I wanted to give up. For this, I am thankful.

There is a song that reminds me of that time. I still remember the tears, the fears and the prayers whispered in the dark. Funny, how a vivid memory can live inside a song? At a time when others celebrate a new life, I was worried about survival...

I want to share the song Zion by Lauryn Hill with you. The link will take you to my myspace profile at Make Money Online at Home where the song is located. Just click on the play button and you can hear the song.