I Need To Find It

Why do I keep writing? To keep my sanity. Like I told my sis, it's my outlet. Why do I tell the world about this insane life I lead? Because I do. I think it may help some understand being a parent to large blended families, dealing with issues of autistic children and more. It may be my unfulfilled dream of being a celebrity. Perhaps, it's a need to be adored. Remember Beaches with Bette Midler? There was a dialogue there that was an "AHA"! moment for me. Bette Midler was told by her mother that she had an insatiable craving to be number one in everyone's life. She tired people out. I think that happened to me. I got attention at home, at work and at shcool. That wasn't enough. I think that's why I understood Madonna. I really, really understand Britney too. But, I digress.

Honestly if I could, I would getaway...alone. I need to regroup. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel and it never stops.

I'm unhappy. Really, really unhappy and I can't fix it. I can't just make the changes I need to, due to resources. I can't get away from it either. It's a bad spot to be in. I'm not happy at home, the place that should be your refuge from the outside world. I don't need stuff or money to make me happy. It's just that I need the resources to remove the chaos that's disturbing my peace.

With this I close. I will not be back this weekend. I love to blog, but I need to find that quiet, still place that will help me regroup in this chaos and I need to find it fast.