Coincidence?

I don't believe in coincidences, so I believe the busy life I lead as a youngster and a young adult was a sort of training for what lied ahead. (Could anyone really be trained for this?)

All my children were born with complications or developed something shortly after birth. I never had a calm life like others led. My life was always an episode of ER or House, sometimes even Scrubs.

My first biological child was born seemingly healthy until his first bout with bronchiolitis. It was later diagnosed as chronic asthma, after the first few hospitalizations. (OK, I can handle this, I told myself.)

Eleven months after my oldest is born, I give birth to my second biological child. Before we are discharged, she turns blue three times. The last time, the nurse saw her and ACTUALLY believed me as they rushed her away with the urgency that comes with a code blue. She was born with meningitis. She didn't leave the hospital for another month. She was in critical condition and was even given her last rites. The doctor's didn't have much hope. (God has other plans for her. ) The little girl that would never be normal and would have vision and hearing loss and developmentsl delays, at least according to the doctors, was the most advanced of all my five biological children. She is a high honor roll student, a cheerleader, dancer and has dabbled in modeling.

So, then came the third, he had reflux that miraculously was cured without meds or treatment. We did a lot of praying and changed his bottles from regular bottles, to the evenflo and playtex with the disposable bags. He is an excellent baseball player, aspiring model, and a great student. No trace of reflux.

The fourth, born premature has asthma that is a bit scary at times. She is accident prone. (Hello, Mr. Plastic Surgeon.)

The last one was born completely healthy. No problems. Can you believe it!! As a matter of fact, he weighed 9lbs and 4 1/2 oz. But then after he turned a year, that's when I saw the changes. He was regressing and I knew there was something wrong. He started retreating into his own world and not even the whirlwind that was our lives permeated it.

So, here I am in the middle of nowhere with all these children, a full time job and a calendar full of appointments. It takes 25 minutes to get to town, if we don't get stuck behind a tractor full of manure. But that isn't enough, it gets better because my oldest son is diagnosed with ODD and my youngest with PDD-NOS. (OK, still I can do this. I am not a quitter.) That is how I encouraged myself to persevere and overcome all these trials. God will never give you more than you can bear.

The funny part is that I can see how everything in my life has tied together and led me to where I am today. From the early years where I first had to live in a hospital, to the horrible experience of restraining my child during spinal taps and even to praying fervently next to a tiny body fighting for life in the NICU. I see how it all served a purpose and has brought me to where I am today. I see it has all been a sort of training to encourage, edify and console others that are going through a storm. It was also a preparation for what is to come.

When I read through these autism blogs, I feel like I'm home. So many others with sleepless nights and tears in the darkness. Many trying to make sense of the situation inspite of unanswered questions and travels down unknown paths. Parents with endearing smiles for the world and their children, but carrying a heaviness in their hearts for them and their unknown futures.

Remember, that you are strong and for that reason you were chosen. Chosen to give love, encouragement, and strength to a beautiful but fragile child. A child that others might eschew, that some might misconstrue, but that is capable and deserving of love. Coincidence? Coincidence doesn't live here.

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